ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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