Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
