ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
