insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
