I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
