just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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