I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
