nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
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