all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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