yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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