It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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