Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
