i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
