erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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