clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
