I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Soap is not a condiment
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
