I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
