I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
