his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
