$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
