Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize