Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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