gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
