He is an equal opportunity slut.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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