hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
