I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
