so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
