I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize
