just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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