Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
