He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
what day is it and did you see me today?
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
