So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
