Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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