the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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