I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
