my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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