how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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