Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
