All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
