dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
