I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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