If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
