We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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