My hand turned me down
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
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