i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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