My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
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