Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
