Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
