So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm getting married
To pizza
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
