consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The uberlube is also flammable
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
