Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
