Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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