so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
