4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
