i drank out of a bidet.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
