we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
