You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
