if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you made out with another girl for some wings
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
