i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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