Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
