Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
