I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
