There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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