So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
