You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
