Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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