So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
