the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Randomize
