was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
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we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
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I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize