i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
