Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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