State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Alive.
So much puke
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
