Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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