We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
