I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
im calling her cock vulture from now on
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
