Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize