he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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