I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
