Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
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I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
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I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone