We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
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i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
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He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying