Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
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