dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow