Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
