I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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