my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
