porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
